RENT 2: the Sugarbowl
by StupidSequel
Summary: The cast has gone viral on YouTube, but their ratings are plummeting, so they go on Disney Channel to raise their ratings. They soon realize the sweet life is not all it's cracked up to be. Strong language is present. I also wrote this in an unusual way.


**RENT 2: the Sugarbowl**

(AN: I've never even seen RENT, but that hasn't stopped me before. My profile explains how I wrote this story.)

Just to provide a background tidbit, THEY HAVE WENT VIRAL ON YOUTUBE WITH THEIR SING-A-LONGS FOLLOWING IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THE BIEBER GUY. OKAY.

"WE ARE THRU" Mimi screamed at the top of his lungs. "Our ratings are falling faster than a part of a function whose derivative is negative infinity at that point." Roger scratched his head. "Wut's a derivative?"

Mark took a deep breath. "In Calculus, a derivative..." Maureen cut him off.

"Excuse me, but what the hell is Calculus?"

"God dammit, STOP INTERRUPTING ME, Angel." Tom cleared his throat. "I hope I don't have to keep going in an endless chain of explaining stuff. A derivative is the tangent line at any point on the graph." Joanne scratched his head until it was almost a bloody pulp.

"Thank God I don't ever have to take that class. Now what about our ratings?" Benny tipped her head to one side.

"I don't even know half of what I'm talking about either. I just memorize stuff and also happen to know the epsilon delta definition of a limit..."

"Anyone who knows what a derivative is is too school for cool." Benny butted in. The author knows how to take the derivative, and therefore, according to Joanne, is too school for cool. Shut up, Tom!

"STOP! I HATE SPOILERS! NOW I WANNA TAKE CALCULUS! I DON'T WANNA TAKE CALCULUS!" Angel screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Anyway," Maureen continued. "Not as many people like our songs anymore because people think they've all gone... what's the word I'm looking for... pop." Everyone gasped.

"I love pop music," Mark countered.

"Yeah, me too."

"I find it degrading that our sing-a-longs wound up on the Top 40 radio along with those shitty songs where the artists auto-tune the crap out of it with no real talent and just call it 'music' when they're really just taping random words together into something catchy, even if the lyrics don't make sense. I for one would never brush my teeth with a bottle of jack or some other crazy shit." Roger nodded in agreement.

"I hear Disney Channel is popular right now among tweens," Mimi put in. "That sugary stuff is perfect to boost our ratings. Since we're a fairly good looking bunch and healthy as horses, whelp, Disney Channel will let us act regardless of talent." Everyone murmured in agreement.

"How do we know we're good looking? I've never looked in a mirror in my whole life," Mimi pointed out.

"Well, I read how insanely credible college graduates and researchers are," Roger began again. "We'll just have to rustle up some graduate students who are working on dissertations of their field of study."

"I'm scared of graduate schools," Mark whined. "They make you do stuff you don't wanna do."

"How do you know? Just a few moments ago I randomly decided on my own accord to start taking Calculus. You can do it," Maureen cheered.

"Guys, we need to think of a plan," Angel urged everyone. "I'm pretty sure Harvard University has a good reputation. Let's go there and if we're lucky some graduate student(s) will write a research paper in MLA style citation about how we're good looking."

"Yeah!" Maureen said in the style of when you get a key in Jill of the Jungle. Benny and Benny high-fived each other. Tom's pet cat licked Maureen's hair, giving it a quick but thorough wash.

They went to Harvard's graduate school and knocked on the door.

"Disney Channel pop princesses, here we come!" Mark squealed in excitement. A short old man answered the door.

"Yeah, we need a fellow graduate student to do us a favor. You see, we want a graduate student to verify that we're all beautiful using some weird research and MLIA citation black magic because we wanna go on Disney Channel." Roger explained the story to the old man.

"Sir, I think you mean MLA. Someone's been spending too much time on My Life Is Average. I can tell because you have a tore up Twilight DVD as well as various broken Twilight merchandise, a Harry Potter T-shirt, a tore up Miley Cyrus CD, and a Narnia undershirt and yes, I have Ex-ray vision. Come on in," he beckoned. An Asian man with a calculator, almost closed eyes was there eating rice.

"Are all you Asians good at math and love to eat rice and have your eyes almost closed?" Mimi asked. The Asian didn't reply because he was much too professional to admit to fulfilling a stereotype. He was chattering in his own language to the other graduate students. It sounded like they all agreed to partake in this research project.

"It is a thing. Oh, hey there football Charlie," Mimi said to a jock looking guy who could have been bizarro A.C. Slater. The jock punched him real hard.

"That was a demo," Mark mumbled in pain.

"Hey, you had no right," Maureen protested. The jock narrowed his eyes.

"MY NAME IS NOT CHARLIE!" he stormed.

"Guys, stop fighting. It's hard to concentrate," the students said in chorus.

"Hahaha. Memes," Angel chuckled. The graduate students were clearly serious about their work.

"Move faster Pokey. Death water. The cake is a lie. Super Saiyan Hitler. Nigga stole my bike," Tom blurted. The students were far too busy with their research.

For the next several hours the clique continued saying random memes, annoying the graduate students, but they did not respond. Finally, the moment...

A stack of paper 88 feet high was produced. Only 13 pages of it were actually the actual paper. PAGES, not feet. The rest were sources, annotations, and such. Joanne put on a mask depicting the awesome smiley while Benny hijacked a computer, put in a flash drive, and was playing SMW Cool or Cruel on it.

"Could one of you graduates help me? I can't seem to get past the first screen of Forky." The graduates had packed up and left long ago. The RENT clique were partying in the computer lab, playing drinking games, listening to Rebecca Black songs on the boom box, and playing random ROM hacks of Super Mario World. Since the research paper called them Beautiful, they were celebrating their entrance into Disney Channel. Mimi put on a black tank top undershirt that fit him snugly and admired his slim muscly body in the mirror while Maureen was in general being narcissistic.

The next morning they headed to California to the Disney Channel studio.

"Wanna also hit Six Flags Magic Mountain?" Tom asked everyone.

"Yeah! I hear they got a new ride called, what was it? Green Hornet? The one that was relocated from a park in Kentucky?" Mimi lit up.

"First of all, it's called Green Lantern, and second, it's all the way in New Jersey. The one here is way better cuz it's all flippy-around-icle like the Zipper. It's also called Green Lantern," Benny corrected.

"For fuck's sake, WE'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL STILL! I WANNA GRADUATE!" Joanne bleated.

"I heard a crazy horror story about a girl who was working in Disney Channel and" Tom whispered the next few words silently "she never graduated." Everyone gasped.

"Now I wanna go home," Angel moaned.

"We can't turn back now," Maureen urged. "Ever since we went viral with our sing-a-longs we always stuck together for better or for worse. We gotta stick it out to the end, even if it means settling 4 something like that sugar bowl known as Disney Channel to boost ratings." They passed a sign that welcomed to the California state line, with a sign that read 'No Ugly People Allowed.'

"What a fuckin load of fuckin bullshit that we have to fucking go to fucking Disney fucking Channel studios to fuckin boost our fuckin ratings." Mark stormed.

"If you keep up dropping those f bombs, congratulations, the first M rated Disney Channel show. Let the lawsuits roll in." Roger chuckled.

"We're here," Mimi announced. The Disney Channel studio. In all its fake grandeur. Where you can get famous just for looking good in a tank top.

"Oh my God, you look good. Well, you're automatically famous now," the camera man complimented. "You can perform your little musicals during Hannah Montana as well as High school Musical 6."

"Ummm, there is yet to be a fifth one," Mimi pointed out.

"That's wut u think, but the author of this story also wrote a fifth High School Musical, but he's nowhere near famous, plus he's not working for Disney, so that's why it seems to go from 4 to 6, skipping 5."

So they starred in an episode of Hannah Montana and did some musicals. Then they acted in High School Musical 6, singing crappy auto-tuned pop music with randomly taped together lyrics and calling it a song. Here's a small sample of the stuff Disney arranged for them to sing: "Car bus into the freshman in a I jack in the box before the storm Israel." The title of the song? 'Gigglebox Loves to Ride Jet Coasters.'

"I'm pooped. Acting all day really makes you feel like...ummm... all tired-icle." Roger breathed.

"We got Six Flags passes, so tomorrow we will leave for Six Flags Magic Mountain."

"Something's not right," Mark mused.

"Ignore your hunches, cuz we're in the Sunshine state, baby!" Maureen cheered.

"You're prolly right, Mark," Roger replied.

They went to Six Flags Magic Mountain and rode Superman, Tatsu, Ex 2, and Green Lantern. Maureen felt like he was gonna throw up.

"I wish I was in Japan right now, riding their jet coasters," Angel said.

"What the heck is a jet coaster?" Tom inquired.

"Glad u asked. A jet coaster is a low speed boring uneventful roller coaster with shallow drops and hills and catwalks all along the track. Urban Dictionary had it correct."

So they departed SFMM and headed to Japan to rustle up some jet coasters. Joanne didn't scream at all. "Perfect. I'll take it." Everyone was real happy all the time. It was a sugar bowl. Everyone lived happily ever after. THE END.

No, just kidding about THE END. There's still more to go. Speaking of to go, everyone except Benny started hating the Japanese company TOGO (the one that made most of the jet coasters) but they were too proud of being famous to care. Now that they were a part of Disney Channel, their ratings were sky high and all their cares and problems melted away.

"If I were burning in hell right now, I would still feel this good," Benny remarked. After a day of riding jet coasters they were lying on the beach looking at the constellations.

"I could lay like this forever. Oh shit! We gotta get back to Cali! It's almost time for our musicals for Hannah Montana and High School Musical. Hannah Montana starts in five minutes! We'll never make it in time!" Joanne panicked.

They traveled back to California from Japan in five minutes, and it was fairly easy because there as a 115 magnitude earthquake that brought Japan within about 12 inches from Cali. (Too soon? Well, nobody died, but all the jet coasters were destroyed. Sorry cool5.) They got in the studio just in time for filming of Hannah Montana. In fact, they were in the planning stages of Hannah Montana Musical, which is a Hannah Montana and High school Musical crossover. Tom couldn't take it anymore.

"I hate how perfect everything has become! There is no conflict! I am going crazy out of boredom! It sucks!" Angel whined. "Hannah Montana sucks!" Maureen walked off the set.

"Where you goin nigga?" Mark asked.

"Life is boring in this constant sugarbowl environment that Disney has created. I'm going home." Roger stormed off.

They did the show anyway without Mimi. Their ratings were still good. One by one the group started feeling the same way. _We gotta create some conflict. _So they rounded up Maureen and flew to the Israel apartheid and pretended to be Palestinians. They had signs on their shirts that said 'We're Palestinians'. They were then stripped of their rights and got AIDS from drinking AIDS water. _Life is good now that we're no longer in a sugarbowl and instead in a conflict zone, _Angel thought snugly as 99 red balloons were released into the sky. _Sure beats working for Disney. Screw our ratings. _Little did they know their ratings were as solid as ever. There was a hidden camera near them that was streaming their situation live and people kept missing the dislike buttons. They were still popular.


End file.
